AGAPE

This is my last day of being 25….HOLY CRAP where did this year go?  I have been so incredibly busy I haven’t had time to think lately. Turning 25 was hard but 26 seems to be okay even though it does scare me that I’m getting closer to 30. I think 25 was one of the hardest most rewarding years of my life thus so far. I can only imagine what this year will bring, but I can’t think about the future (I gave it up for lent) so here is to 25 and hopefully 75 more years.

                                                What Is Cheer?

 

Is it something you can smell, sip, or hold?

Is it bigger than a breadbox, smaller than an elephant, or invisible to the naked eye?

Can cheer translate internationally, travel by train, or be planted locally?

Perhaps cheer is sharing a scarf, giving a bear hug or paying someone’s toll.

The great thing about cheer is that it can be all of these things; there isn’t one way to define it.

What’s important is that you end up sharing it with the world.

            Starbucks-

I’ve been very pessimistic about my job and so one day back a month or so ago I decided to be a little more optimistic. So everyday I would think about something positive and here is what I came up with.

 1. I make up my own scheduled. I can go in at 9 and leave at 5 or go in at 8 and leave at 4. It’s fantastic. I don’t think I could ever have a job that has a set scheduled…I’ve been spoiled.

2. I work alone with my clients there is no one above me being the puppet master. I have the final say of what happens, which in very nice. And the only time I go to my supervisor is when I’m having a problem and need advice.
 
3. I’m not stuck in an office all day. I get outside and drive my clients around. In the summer it’s so nice to be outside, not much now but in the summer.

4. The paper work isn’t that bad. I’ve learned to do case notes and have my own technique on how to do them. There is a certain terminology we have to use in our notes that took me awhile to figure out but now I have the hang of it and can fly through my notes pretty fast.

5. My co-workers are that best (for the most part). There are two co-workers that I’m close to and without them I would probably go insane. Also, almost all the case managers are in their later 20’s early 30’s so it’s nice to work with people my age.

6. I’ve learned a lot about the mentally ill and anti-psychotic drugs. I’ve reached the point if someone gives me list of meds a can tell what their diagnosis is.
 
7. I’m starting to stand up/voice my opinion for something I believe in regarding my views on case management…I don’t give in like I did when I first started.

8. I have 87hrs of sick time…YEA!! I’m feeling sick cough cough… I might not go in tomorrow:o). Actually I already informed my boss I was taking a sick day due to the weather.

9. My job is close to where I live which make it handy if I want to go home for lunch.

10. I get paid for gas…all my gas. That is so nice!!

1. I can’t stand disrespect-at all. In no shape or form should another person disrespect someone for no reason-Read pass blog for details.

 

 

2. I not a fan of drama. Why can’t we all just get along? Does misery really enjoy company?

 

 

3. Lack of communication/Middle Man- I’ve pulled out from being the middle WOman in situations. I’ve learned to say, “NO, you need to go talk to that person.”

 

4. Skinny People that think JUST because they are skinny they are better than us rounded peopleJ. …you’re not! Now go eat a Super size double cheese burger w/fries. Also, when some size 0 says, “I’m so fat.” I just want to stuff a Big Mac down their throat.

 

     

4. Those people who claim to be Catholic and really don’t live their life accordingly. If you say you’re Catholic then stop having sex outside of wedlock, stop letting everyone think you are Catholic and Holy when you’re not, stop using contraceptives, stop being pro-choice—damm it, it’s not our body it is Gods’-stupid murders.

 

 

5. Pro-Choice- Are you serious??? Your body it NOT yours. God created you it is his. When you have an abortion you are killing an unborn child. A child is a living human so you just KILLED a human. The END!!!

 

 

6. People that don’t practice what they preach. I was talking with someone a couple of weeks ago and when was preaching what she has NEVER practice it got under my skin. Please don’t preach to anyone about something that you have NEVER practice. What sense does that make???

 

 

 

I have no more…Twas life…

 

 

 

God don’t let me get me!!!!

 

 

 

 

I’m not here today, I’m out of it and I have no idea why. Do you ever wake up and have this foggy feeling in your head? I have a foggy feeling in my head. I was sick last week and the doctor put me an antibiotics for my sinus infection but there is just one SMALL problem. I can’t sleep, well correction I can sleep but only for an hour then I wake up and I go back to sleep then I wake back up again. Now when I sleep, I sleep hard BUT it’s only for an hour at a time. So think about sleeping as hard as you ever had but only for an hour at a time. Then you wake back up and your sleep is broken…..it sucks. Now back to my foggy feeling. I know it can’t be all about the med because this is the first day I have this foggy feeling. I think the lack of sleep from the past week and half has caught up with me.. Sleep I need Sleep…..Twas life….

“And people laugh at me because I use big words. But if you have big ideas you have to use big words to express them, haven’t you?”

~L. M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

I was going to the grocery store on Sunday and I only needed two things; cottage cheese and coffee a quick run in and out. I walk in the grocery store and I’m thinking to myself “cottage cheese and coffee, cottage cheese and coffee.” I walk down by the fruit and, “I could use some grapes.” I pick up some grapes. Then I go back thinking, “cottage cheese and coffee, cottage cheese and coffee.” Look down isle one….cottage cheese and coffee…moving on. Go down isle two, “I need some cereal bars, yes I need cereal,” and I pick up a couple of boxes of cereal bars. “Cottage cheese and coffee, cottage cheese and coffee,” and I pass a couple of isles then, “I could use some bread, yes I need some bread.” Finally, I get to the coffee isle and pick some coffee….AMEN. And I continue to walk….Ohhh and I need some mayo and I go pick up some mayo. “Cottage cheese and coffee, cottage cheese and coffee, I just need cottage cheese.”  Ooppps, I forgot I need shredded chees; I’m never getting out of this store.” Finally, I get some cottage cheese and check out.  I spent about 45 minutes getting groceries when it was supposed to be a quick run in and out. Has this ever happen to you??

It is a curious thought, but it is only when you see people looking ridiculous that you realize just how much you love them.    ~Agatha Christie

I’m home sick today, well not really sick but tried of being sick. I went to the doctor yesterday and I have a sinus infection. If anyone has had a sinus infection you would know that it kicks your butt and makes you tired.

 

 

I think I know what my biggest pet peeve is; Adults that rude for no reason. I think I know this has to be my biggest pet peeve. Lately it seems that some of my peers have been so rude to me or others and I’ll never understand why. Let me tell you a story that blows me away.

 

I was called into work (SA) Monday night because someone called in sick. I was supposed to spend the evening with my brother and SNL but SA needed someone so I decided to work. I get there and Channon asked if he can speak with me. He sits me down and says (as he pops fingers out in a smart ass way), “I like to run a smooth shift and my shifts will always go smooth. I’ve seen how you are with your boys (I was working a different unit then I usually do) and you’re just so loud just loud. I’ve never worked with you before but observed you and I just don’t like how you are with your boys and I’m not telling you (as he taps his fingers on the table) I’m asking you to let this be a smooth evening. If you could not interact with the boys so much and get them all rallied up, that would be great. I’ve never worked with you before but I’m just asking you.”

 

There are a couple things wrong with what just happened. First, I’ve never worked with Channon as he stated several times. Second, Channon is not a supervisor of any kind at SA, so I don’t know what he was thinking. Third, I like to interact with my boys. Channon was right I like to have fun and have a good time and we do get loud sometimes. BUT the boys like me because I do spend time with them and get to know them. 

 

I know some of you are wondering what my response was. I was giving him the go to HELL look the entire time that he was talking to me. Then I told him, “I’ve never been so disrespected by someone that didn’t know me,” and I ended the conversation.

 

 

So now, you’re probably wondering how the evening wentJ, I didn’t say but two words to Channon. I did go into the office about an hour after the conversation and he said, “Adonoia my favorite staff.” I said, “Whatever,” and walked out. Then at the end of the evening he says “Umm, however you say your name I just want to thank you for letting the evening run smooth.” My name is pronounced Adiona and I’m not as bad as I seem and I asked to leave. Needless to say I will never work on that unit again under that man.

 

 

And there is just one thing that I find humorous that happened. One of the boys on another unit was throwing cups and cussing and acting crazy. The staff on that unit comes to get me NOT Channon….ummmm I wonder why that is? I think I know it’s because I can calm the boys down and they listen to me….ummmm

 

 

“In reality, hell is not such an intention of God as it is an invention of man. God is love and people are precious. Authentic truth is not so much taught or learned as it is remembered. Somewhere in your pre-incarnate consciousness you were loved absolutely because you were. Love absolutely, and in reality, you still are! Remember who you are!– Bishop Carlton Pearson

 

I haven’t written in awhile and not to sound like a broken record but I’ve been busy.

 

About little over a month ago my life was dull and I wasn’t up to much. I prayed to God to let me work more hours and get my life a jump start. My prayer was answered in a BIG way!!

 

I started to work more hours at SA. I probably work about 25hrs at SA on top of my full time job.  I realize this makes me a bit crazy and I also know that my family and friends are starting to worry about me but there is no need. November is a bad month for me my car insurance is due…that sucks my bank account dry. Plus, I’m trying to pay off my new washer and dryer. Okay, so I don’t know why I’m justifying the reason I’ve been working so much…but anywho.

 

I got an IPOD. I don’t know what I was thinking. I love it! I’m still downloading my CD’s…it might take awhile. I got the black Apple IPOD Classic. It’s great and I would recommend anyone purchasing one; it beats carrying around CD’s.

 

I’m going to be applying for the Master’s program. I pray that I get accepted. I really want my Master’s so I can get out of being case manager and do bigger things.

 

 

I’m tired and have nothing more….

 

God Don’t Let Me Get ME!!!!

I found out this weekend that one of my friends is racist. I was so shocked….I become speechless. How could someone I know someone I love (as a person) be racist. I can NOT be friends with someone like this. I don’t respect him anymore so therefore I cannot be his friend. I thought all this bullshit racism was over. I will never understand how someone can hate another human based on the color of their skin. The mind set is far beyond my thinking capacity I can’t comprehend how someone can think like that. I don’t/can’t think like that. God created everyone so if your racist and you hate then you hate God, you hate what God created, you hate God’s love for others, you hate God’s image(b/c we all are created in God’s image), you Hate GOD. Just because the color of someone’s skin I’ll never understand…..I talked with several friends and they given me the same non-chalant answer, “You can’t push your beliefs on someone, you can’t tell someone it’s wrong, you can’t stop being friends with some just b/c they’re racist.” Bull fucking shit…It’s WRONG!!! I work with people (at both jobs) that struggle with racism and seeing them suffer day to day….the hatred people have toward them. The look in their eyes it’s like their soul is lost…and my heart breaks……GOD don’t let me get ME!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lord, help me to see with my heart for eyes deceive me and dam my soul.

 I was sitting down watching tv and this poem came to me…enjoy

 

 

 

 

I’m standing on the plank between heaven and hell

My trembling body starts to crawl to the end

I dip my finger tip into the venomous abyss of hell

Poison races through my blood

I scream in agony as I raise my head to the heavens and

Beg for the mercy of God to take my soul

I see the look of disappointment in my master’s eyes

I bow my head and cringe knowing what I’ve done

I feel a warm touch and I’m refilled with life as I hear the word

                                    Forgiven