AGAPE

I was praying in mass on Friday and I was thinking about all the things/experiences I have done/gone through and this is what I came up with:

I’ve stood up for what I believed in

I’ve cried when some died

I’ve been ashamed of what I’ve done

I’ve been a coward to stand up for myself

I’ve hurt my best friend

I’ve broken a promise

I’ve seen my friend get hit by her b/f in front of me

I’ve told a lie

I’ve come closer to God

I’ve realized who I am

I’ve been lonely

I’ve screamed at someone I love

I’ve asked for forgiveness

I’ve let me emotions control my-my temper my actions

I’ve forgiven

I’ve lost someone I love

I’ve let my pride get the best of me

I’ve gossiped

I’ve helped a friend

I’ve consoled a stranger

I’ve felt lost

I’ve liked someone I shouldn’t

I’ve laughed so hard I cried

I’ve lost my best friend

I’ve learned control my temper

I’ve matured

I’ve realized I’m beautiful

I’ve learned to walk away

I’ve felt stupid

I’ve learned to be the “bigger person”

I grew upJ

Maturity looks beyond today’s pleasures and focuses on tomorrow’s possibilities.

I should be doing my case notes for work… but that isn’t happening.

I’m watching American Idol and this week it’s Idol Gives Back. I think it is a bunch of BS. I know I’m going to get some comments back on this one. But take it from a social worker perceptive. I see people everyday poor and hungry. I have a client that doesn’t know where he is going to live. He is homeless and HIV positive. I can’t stand it when these rich-famous people get on TV and say; “Poverty is such a problem in the world” and then make some big episode of it…that pisses me off.  Then they go back to having 5 house, 10 boats, 20 cars and so forth. I would like to see some of them give money maybe they could cut a couple of cars or maybe a house or two out of their lifestyle.  And I’ll never understand why we go to other countries. There is so much poverty in the United States ….in Wichita . I’m not being inconsiderate I think that especially in Africa there is a huge problem not only with poverty but HIV. But there is such problem everywhere…I’m just pissed off. Maybe I’m pissed b/c I have to actually “deal” with that everyday. I know that what I see is only a fraction of what it is truly like. But I just can’t stand seeing people suffer and watching rich folks talk about it rubs me that wrong way.  Ok, I’m done ventingJ

 One of my myspace friends posted this and I thought it was funny….read and enjoy….LOL

The Guys’ rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.

Sorry it has been so long…I was sick last week and I’m starting to get sick again but I couldn’t let all my good reader wait any longerJ

I did 40 days of adoration. And might I make a side note doing 40 days of adoration God is going to do some powerful things.

…This lent I lost, reconciled and forgave…..

LOST….

Brandon is not talking to me….still. After three years of being my best friend…he (after the disagreement about contraceptives) will not talk to me anymore. I don’t feel that much of a loss. I think it is sad that he decided to give up-throw away the towel over one disagreement. Maybe it hasn’t hit me yet….but I don’t know what to feel at this point. Maybe it was for the best. I know God has a plan….

                                         …..RECONCILED………

Because of my “big” skeleton (which I will talk about later) I decided that I would call my ex-boyfriend (Scott) and ask him a question regarding our relationship. To make sure everyone is on the same page….Scott and I dated for over two years. Scott is older than me by six years. Scott is a great person. I learned a lot…BUT Scott was very critical. He criticized me about everything. And being the insecure person I was back then; I put up with it. But when lent came around I thought I need to clean out my closet so I asked Scott to dinner (this is the abbreviated version). I started out by saying (he had no idea why I asked him to dinner) “I thank God that we went out; you are a great person….But there is a reason I asked you out to dinner and I  have question for you. I want to know why you criticized me all the time.” With a shocked/disbelief look on his face Scott said, “Did I really criticize you that much?” Yes…Yes you did….then Scott continued, “You have no idea what my childhood was like. I was picked on all the time. I thought that was the way people interacted. Since I was comfortable with you I just thought I was doing as I was taught. And I hadn’t dated to many girls before you. I’m sorry.” “That is ok. I forgave you along time ago and I forgive you now. But in the future don’t be so criticalJ” The evening went great! I got my answer and one skeleton was put to restJ God works wonders!!!!

                                                                                                          …….FORGAVE…….

The Big Skeleton….I not going to give out to much information…but I’ll give a little. My biological father (Doug) after twenty years decided to come back into my life. As some of you can assume my reaction was unsettling. I prayed to God that he would send me someone to help me along the journey I was about to take. I sent out an e-mail to all my friends and low and behold God sent me Peter. I would describe Peter as self-giving man. He gives of himself unconditionally without question. With Peter’s help I was about to start my journey.  I learned the true meaning of forgiveness. Forgiveness to me is, letting go of an unjust action inflected upon you by someone else and being able to look past the action and love the person as Christ loves everyone.

My journey with Doug was short, hard, and sad. Doug lives in denial and I continue to pray for him everyday and I hope one day he will come to terms with himself. I know that talking with him made me realize that I’m ok….I’m really ok now…God is wonderful and I needed Doug to come into my life. Even though it was hard….it was so hard (Thank God for PeterJ)….but I needed it. I’m so thankful it happened…it made me realize that …..it was like letting air out of a balloon. For twenty years this “balloon” has been filling up with all these ideas, misconceptions, and resentment….but talking to Doug let all the air out. All those feelings of questions, scared, resentment, forgiveness…left me…those feeling are not longer in me regarding Doug. Regretfully I must say that Doug no longer wants to talk with me…but that is ok…he has to do what is right for him at this time. I would ask that all my readers say a prayer for him. Remember forgiveness is, letting go of an unjust action inflected upon you by someone else and being able to look past the action and love the person as Christ loves everyone.

It’s Sunday and I’m sitting at home, just finished my cup of coffee and I’m ready to take the day for R&R.

So I’m having a hard time on what to write about….ummm…maybe life, love, and the pursuit of happiness…ummm…

I still want to be single until about May. I don’t feel that this is the right time in my life to get into a relationship. I going through to much in my personal life it wouldn’t be fair to whoever “he” might be. And I know I’ve said this before, “I want to be single” and deep down didn’t mean it but this time I truly don’t want to date anyone…not yet anyway. I still feel God is calling me to marry. I think God is getting all my “ducks” in a row before letting me take the BIG step.  

            Lent has been incredibly hard and rewarding for me. I remember a friend telling me about a month ago, “You’ll never be the same after this.” And he was right, I’m not the same now and I won’t be a week from now. I don’t know how it happened but God is encompassing me and changing me. I can honestly say, “I am not the same person that I was before Lent started.” I grown, matured, swallowed my pride, and put all my skeletons (in my closet) to rest in peace.

            My job is going-going. My co-workers keep me sane. I think Chris and Aaron might drive me insaneJ I love working with my boys(Chris and Aaron) I’ve learned so much them and their views on marriage( they’re both married). I am known as their, “work wife.” I don’t know how it happened. They believe that I “nag” them like their wives do so that is why they call me, their “work wife.” I don’t think I “nag” them I think I keep them in lineJ . I’ve tired numerous times to get a divorce but they won’t grant me one…LOLJ

            Speaking of co-workers, Chris always feels a need to express his feelings about Catholicism to me. He always picks on me (don’t get me wrong Chris is a great guy, he is my other half at work but when it comes to religion we are both very passionate about our different views), “Hey have you prayed to any saints today?” or “What’s so special about Mary?” Finally, Friday we got into a fight-yes it was a fight b/c there was yelling (loud voice tones going onJ) and I decided I was going to shut him down. I simply stated, “Chris I’ve never said anything bad about Mennonites b/c I feel when criticize another denominations you are criticizing God and I don’t want to criticize GodJ!!! Chris had nothing to say back….imagine that???

“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your
life.” -Confucius