AGAPE

 Round 2:
  

Things continue to get more interesting but I think with the holidays it has calmed down a little. My family continues to get into trouble. I don’t know how we do it but…we just do.

Mama got canned. She is no longer employed. I guess she did some unethical things. Yeah…I don’t know what really happened. I’m glad I didn’t take right after my mom. I guess you really don’t know someone. But hopefully she’ll learn her lesson.

My son (JJ) and my dad (Chris) continue to get into trouble.

My son, I don’t know what to do with him. He has that. “I don’t give an f***,” attitude. This kind of attitude continues to get him into trouble. He was put on probation for six months. Then when things possibly couldn’t get worse, he was written up. I don’t know what he thinks sometimes. He just does his own thing and doesn’t obey the rules. I don’t know what to do. The good thing is my son started going to therapy. I think it is really helping him. He has become more honest. I believe that his honestly keeps getting him into trouble.  I think finally though in JJ’s personal life (because of therapy) he finally realized what is TRULY important to him. And this is probably his best accomplishment he has made since I’ve known him.

My dad, well my last blog was all about Chris and my sister told me that it was gushy. Before I start on how my dad is doing, I’m going to respond. Most of you (or this may be directed toward my sister) know someone that is such a great person, why not tell them. Life is too short not to say how you feel. I’m definite that if most of you thought about one of your friends; it would be something like what I wrote about Chris.  Anywho, moving right along Chris isn’t doing that bad at work. Ohhh… never mind he got into trouble for talking to JJ again; I’ll guess he’ll never learn his lesson. He has his evaluation next month and I just wonder if he’ll get his raise….yeah probably not.  I know one of the supervisors is always watching him…stupid stupid Chris he is never going to win with these people.

Before I forget my son has this GREAT influence over my dad that I do not approve of. So JJ is big into lifting weights and exercising. He has gotten Chris into taking “supplements” to help them look better or help them out. And you have to understand these are two good looking men. I will never understand why they are so obsessed with looking better than they already are. And I must yell at Chris everyday for being in my opinion stupid. And he’ll say, “Marianna you just don’t understand, I want results.” All I hear is blahh blahhh blahh, I’m to insecure about the way I look….blahh blahh blahh I found a new hobby that contests of ruining my body blahh blahh blahh and so on.. It stresses my out to a tee. I just care and it saddens me to think of my boys harming themselves.

On the positive side Chris and I decide we are going on a diet in January. I think it is a good idea to go on a diet with someone else then that person can hold you accountable if you decide to slip. It’s going to be hard, I love food. I’m guess I’m going to have to find another loveJ.

One last thing, I have decided that Chris, JJ and I are going to be called the Rat Pack. We are always together, so….why notJ

“There are very few people who don’t become more interesting when they stop talking.” -Mary Lowry

I know that I have a hard time opening up and expressing my feelings and showing people how much I care…..SO this is my first attempt for me trying to express how I feel…..

Have you ever met someone in your life that you just knew…something special was about to happen…that is what happened when I met Chris.

I told Chris (my co-worker) that I would write a blog about him; so this is the story of Chris.

When I first started working at BTC I was assigned to share a computer with Chris. I saw him and I was thinking, “Praise God this man is cute.” But then (as always in the life of Marianna) I found out he was married; Damm, My luck! But as usual, I picked myself up and thought, “Hey we can at least be friends.” For the first week he didn’t even talk to me. I thought to myself, “who is this guy? Does he not talk?” Then I remember, one day he bursted into the office and told me some story of one of his member’s crapping in her pants at the mall. And that was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. As time slowly pasted Chris and I started talking a little more everyday. I found out that he was a fun guy and had a great sense of humor.   Now we are at the point that we talk throughout the day. He keeps me sane or he drives me insane. Sometimes I want to beat the living crap out of him other times I want to give him the biggest bear hug ummmmm….

Chris is a mirror image of me. I’ve never met someone so like me before. He acts just like me. I never in my life….He is witty and a smart ass. He wins people over by his friendly manners. But at the same time he is a loner and stays to himself. He doesn’t talk to anyone unless he feels comfortable or they talk to him first. He loves the country and hopes one day to run his father-in-law’s farm. His heart is with his son. I can only imagine that he will be that best dad.  He has such a big heart and I can tell by his mannerism that truly cares about people. I don’t know how to explain it but I can just tell that he cares…his heart is right out there. He is one of the most beautiful creatures I’ve known inside and out. He is insecure about himself and I don’t understand why, if he could only see himself as other’s see him. He if could only see…. just…. How…. Beautiful… he is. And I’m not talking just about his physical looks (don’t get me wrong…he is gorgeous) but I’m talking about who HE is as a person. I’ve met people in my life that have been good-looking on the outside and on the inside they’re ugly and vise versa. But it is unique to find someone that is just as beautiful on the inside as on the out.

 He is wickedly cruel to me and I know that it is just one of his unusual ways of showing that he cares. He always tells me, “only to you.”   This of course goes back to, beating the living crap out of him or giving him a bear hug. I don’t know why he was put into my life and I still wonder about it everyday. I would be very sad if he ever left BTC. I think I would… actually…. Probably… cry. My heart is over whelmed with joy that we have become friends. And like all my friends I thank God everyday that he was brought into my life.

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.–Marianne Williamson

I wrote this poem today at the training I was in. I think its PG-13. So if you don’t want to read it or think it’s not your thing then DON’T. This poem goes out to all my fellow readers that have partaken in drugs.  I don’t know…it just came to me; like most poems that I write do. Enjoy…….

 Dearly Departed

I’ll come into your house and I’ll tear your children apart.

You think you can get rid of me but I’ll never depart.

I’ve taken your morals and I tore them down

You think you’d never sell yourself for me, now it’s

time for you to go "ho" around.

You think you have friends that care so much for you

I'll make each of them despise and hate you...

here, do you need a tissue?

You think you’re smart and have all the brains

I’ll take what’s left in your head and then you’ll go insane.

You think you’re so happy and life is so grand

That’s how much you’ll spend the next time

I get into your hands.

I’m here with you to the end and

 I’ll go with you to the grave

  I’ll be that last thing you’ll ever crave.-Marianna

“Thank god, the soul, the mind, is free – nothing can trammel it.  At a
bound it overleaps the prison of the material and soars among the
stars.” –L.M. Montgomery

My job has become very…very interesting. It seems that my job doesn’t like friends between co-workers. My co-workers and I seem to always be getting into trouble.  There are four of us Chris, Rose, JJ and I. Now let me explain who these people are so you can get an idea. I’ll start with Chris.

Chris: I’ve never known someone that is so like me but so opposite at the same time.  He keeps me sane at an insane job. Let me see…Chris is 28(I think). He has been married about five years, just had his first kid in October. It was a boy named Tyler… cutest boy (but not as cute as Kristi is going to haveJ) Chris does all the small things…he’s not really big on doing the above and beyond. He acts so tuff on the outside but such a soft hearted person on the inside. Chris is that all American guy….blonde hair-blue eyes- a farmer. He is just a smart ass with that southern charm about him. I knew we were going to get alongJ.  Then there is Rose.

Rose: I call her my mama.  Rose is this little old African lady that will tell you how it is. She always says, “That little mother fucker.” I think she gets into trouble more than any of us. But she has that, “screw you” attitude and she will tell her supervisors that. Rose always gives me a heads up if any bad news is coming my way and she will try to stop it if she can. Also, if I ever need to know anything I always ask Rose she knows everything. Rose has the inside scoop about what is going on. I think people feel comfortable talking to her because she is this little old lady. Let’s see who is next JJ.

 JJ: is your typical frat boy. He has the body of a male model.  I mean he is a good looking guy. But oddly enough he really isn’t my type (probably because I know too much about himJ).  He is probably is the best looking insecure man I know.  I almost forgot JJ is 29…married twice (yeah I know we wont go there).  He is a good guy, just needs to find himself.  I get in trouble…well no JJ gets in trouble because of me all the time and then he’ll tell me sorry. I don’t think he is going to last that much longer. He coaches basketball and that is what he really is passionate about.

 And then there is me….nothing to explainJ 

Ok, we call each other family and let me explain how we are “related” Rose calls Chris her husband. I call Rose my mom…so Chris is my dad. Then I call JJ my son and he calls me mom. YEAH ….we’re all one big happy…in trouble all the time familyJ

Now let me tell you how the four of us are always getting into trouble. Chris and JJ are friends. So they are always talking and shooting the shit. Well…the shit hit the fan and now they are in trouble. They got into trouble for talking. And I can kind of see how bad that might be. BUT… they don’t talk all the time. Chris will stop in the weight room (that is where JJ works) and say hi and maybe spot JJ when he is lifting weights. But Chris can’t do that anymore. I also should add that Chris and I bill more hours then any case manager…whatever.

Then there is Chris and I. We talk throughout the day (trying to keep each other sane) and then work out at the end of the work day. We got into trouble for working out before
3:30. Whatever…we just want to look good. Is that such a crime? It seems that people are always trying to break Chris and I up and so far, it’s just brought us closer together.

 Ohh… and then JJ gets into trouble because I’m leaving him notes on his desk…from his “mother” yeah he got into trouble because some supervisor found out I was leaving him notes. Ummm… There was nothing bad in the notes….and no nothing naughty either. I’ll give you an example of a note….Be good and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do…Love your mother.  Is that so bad? Whatever… Supervisors just a stick…no…. an entire tree stuck up their ass.

Rose…she gets into trouble all on her own.  I don’t know everything she gets into trouble for but it seems like every week Rose will come up to me and tell me she got into trouble for something different.

And that my readers is the story of my one big in trouble all the time work family…

“What makes a river so restful to people is that it doesn’t have any doubt - it is sure to get where it is going, and it doesn’t want to go anywhere else.” - Hal Boyle

Monday Monday.. Monday is here….oh how I wish Sunday was here. I know that’s not how that song goes BUT…I’m not a fan of Mondays. The weekend went by way to fast. One of my co-workers asked me how I was doing. I told him, “I wish it were Friday.” And it’s not like I had a bad day. My day went by so fast. But I dislike Mondays.  And the thought of getting up tomorrow and going back to work just isn’t appealing to me. I would rather sleep in till about10, get up watch Regis and Kelly, then go work out, and spend the rest of the day in bed doing NOTHING….I’m lazy.

 Moving right along…I work with this one girl that takes  the skills she learned in social work and used those skills to manipulate  people; she malpractices.  She is something else. She’ll take a weak man and use his weakness against him. I think of her as a snake. She slithers up and circles her prey with out them even realizing what is going on; she wraps them up and she swallows them whole. You have to see it to believe it but it is so true. And then she thinks she can get to me..HAHAHA ….she must have forgotten that we took that same social work classes and I think it’s amusing watching her TRY to wrap me up in her web. She uses that innocent act, “I don’t know why no one likes me” as she bats the eye lashes. That would be because you are a back stabbing home-wrecking jezebel and that ladies and gentlemen is putting it nicely. She broke up one marriage (not all her fault of course) and almost broke up another one.  She tried to break up my co-worker and me from being friends….yeah that just brought us closer together…nice TRY on her part…but it didn’t work. Maybe I should thank her. She takes these weak individuals and tries to manipulate them into thinking she is the best thing since sliced bread. I think she is just so insecure about who she is (this of course coming from a social worker perceptive) that she tries so hard to want everyone on her side.  And in some way I think it’s kind of sad. If she used all that energy and funneled it to something good she would have the potential to do great things. But that is something she is going to have to work out for herself. In the mean time I will just sit back and watch in amusement.

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.
– Mother Teresa

Where have I been?  Let me just say…I’ve been right here…lazy. Well…not really.  I’m working two jobs which averages to 54 hours a week… not to bad. And my computer has been on the fritz lately. Thanks to Don my computer is up and running. YEA for Don!!! I don’t know if everyone knows but I went back working at Salvation Army (part-time). What can I say I love juvenile OffendersJ Actually I went back to work there for two reasons? 1. I did miss working with juveniles there is just something about teenagers I like. 2. All the money I make at Salvation Army is spending money for meJ  that means all the money I make at BTC is for bills…I’m becoming more financially mature…Yea for me. My goal is to be out of debt (college loans, car…ect) in a couple of years.  Also, it’s less stressful to be a part-timer…I have less responsibility. My boss that was mean before…now I don’t care what she thinks because now she needs me to fill in so she doesn’t have to work over-time…and karma finally came around and bit her in the ass.  

My job at Break Through Club is going along quite well. Everyday is something new.  I don’t know if this is something I would want to do for years but now I want to get the experience. I have no crazy stories to tell….this timeJ

Thanksgiving was a blast. I had three Thanksgiving dinners. I think the best part was playing surades(spell) at my grandparent’s house. The girls won…we always kick ASS!! Sorry boys maybe next time. I went to go see my friends down in
Coffeyville. I hadn’t been back in about 3-5 years.  It was fun!! We ate dinner, caught u p on old times, played cards, fun stuff like that.  I hopefully will be going back around ChristmasJ. 

OKOKOK I have to go to bed….more will come shortly.

It is worth while to live through winter just to have spring—L.M. Montgomery