AGAPE

I’m still sick….I don’t know what’s going on. My first weekend off and I’m SICK…..it sucks. My ears hurt and my nose is runny and I slept like crap last night. I went to bed at about 10:30 woke up up 11…then 11:30…then 12:30…then 1 ….then 1:30 finally I went to sleep till 3…then I went back to sleep till 6…. finally at 8 I was like what the hell I’ll just get up ant start my day. I don’t know what’s going on….I’m thinking it may be allergies but I’m not sure…I sneeze like crazy all day…but I’ve never had allergies before. I wish I felt better…at least by Tuesday when I start my new job. I hate being sick I really don’t know who likes to be sick but I hate it.  I was sick last Sunday. Monday, and Tuesday; Wednesday and Thursday I was great…then Friday came…. I guess this is what happens when you get oldJ I’m tired and have nothing else to say today so pray that I get better.

    Success is following the pattern of life one enjoys most—Al Capp 

Another random rambling…I know…I know I love to ramble…and I have so much small stuff to talk about so….here goes me ramblingJ

 Rain came two days ago; cooled everything down and then germs started to grown like crazy and I happen to be one of the lucky suckers that caught one of the germs and now I’m sick. I can’t believe it….it’s like flip’n 90 degrees outside and I have a cold.  It sucks; running nose, stuffed up head, and now my ears are starting to hurt.  I’m taking non-decongestion medicine and it helps; just makes me so tired; I’ll be drinking a lot of pop (soda) today. I’m so hungry but the sight of food makes me gag; bread is the only thing that sounds remotely good. I have bbq to go tonight and I hope I feel better….I love bbq’s.

I went out last night with my friend Brandon aka…Bee. We went out to the Vagabond and it was fun. I love the Vagabond.  For those of you who don’t know what the Vagabond is, it’s a hole in the wall coffee/alcohol sit down bar; kind of like starbucks only alcohol is severed and you can smoke.  We spent three hours talking; the longest I’ve ever sat down and talked with him before.  It was a lot of fun; he is one of my few friends that I don’t have to filter with; we tell each other how it is straight up….and I like that. I don’t like to filter…I feel when I have to filter I’m not being myself. Ohhh yea…. thanks Bee for the drinksJ!!!

I went to Old Navy today to return some things and since I was there I decided to do some shopping.  I asked this sales associate if there were brown flip flops in my size and she said no…nope everything we have is out…LIAR…When I was exchanging another pair of pink  flip flops for black the sales associate had to go in the back and get me the black flip flops. I hate being lied to my face and I’ve become very good at reading people and I know when someone is lying; that pissed me off. So I asked the lady who first help me to get me the brown flip flops and what do you know…there were some brown flip flops in the back storage room…ummmm…I don’t understand lazy people….and Old Navy has head sets; so all she had to do was call someone on her head set and ask….darn LIARS…..

I’m on my third can of pop and I’m feeling better. I feel a surge of energy…I didn’t get to workout today (since I’m sick) and that kind of bummed me out…but I guess I’ll have to go tomorrow. This will be my first weekend off in over a year and I’m so excited…I don’t know what I’m going to do.  Party at L&M’s just kidding…I have to ask Lisa first..heeheehee…

Ps …I love the song “Remember When”…by Alan Jackson

“Every experience enriches our life and the deeper such an experience the greater the richness it brings.”--- Lucy Maud Montgomery

My friend said to me last week,” You’ve matured a lot in the last year.”  Have I???  That comment started to make me think about how much I have changed in the last year. Let’s see last year I graduated from college. I was so excited to finally be done with school. My sister kept telling me, “enjoy the time you have in college because it’s not all what its crack up to be once your out in the “real world”” I hate saying this but my sister was rightJ. Being a college graduate wasn’t what it was cracked up to be, I didn’t realize how much I loved school until I graduated. Once I graduated, I probably went a month looking for a job. That in it’s self was exhausting. I hate looking for a job but then thanks to my brother I got a job at Salvation Army; working with juvenile offenders. Then I went (I don’t know if you would say away) but I stopped hanging out with some of my friends for awhile. I was so confused about who I was, what I wanted to be, what I believed in; I needed some time to figure all that stuff out…it was an inside job. Then last fall things seemed like a blur…I really don’t remember anything significant happening. I started to realize I didn’t like my job. The way things were being handled was wrong; there was so much dishonesty and backstabbing it wasn’t for me. My sister was living in
Florida with her “friend” I’m so glad she dumped his ass…he was so wrong for her. Then she moved back to KC in January; that made everyone happy. My brother got married I think that really made me realize that I wasn’t a kid anymore (I’m still a little on the insideJ) and that was a slap in the face (in a good way). I realized that I’m almost 25 and that I wasn’t into all that immature-drama kid stuff anymore. I was starting to realize I was adult-scaryJ. Then after living by myself for 2yrs, I moved in with my fabulous friend Lisa. Finally I got a new job, which I hope I will like. The discontentment that I once had started to slowly fade away and I started to finally for the first time in my life know who I am, what I wanted and now I  know what I believe in. Maybe with all this happening I have matured…..ummmmmm…..

   Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward. And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.—Abraham Lincoln 

My last day at Salvation Army was yesterday…..I’m so excited.  I don’t have to go back….weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I told my boss (the one right above me) yesterday it’s been real it’s been fun …it’s been real fun…in a joking way…she said…”it’s been interesting”…..what what is that??? Then they wonder why I left….gush so freaking irritating. It hasn’t hit me yet; I think it will on Saturday when I was suppose to go to work. I felt like working there was like being in quick sand or being in a cage. When I worked there I felt I was being trapped and I couldn’t be free. I hate that feeling of being trapped. But now I’m FREEEEEE…..I just want to jump up and down for joy….I’m so happy.  And I truly believe this new job is where God wants me to be and that makes me even happier.  The girls made goodbye cards for me….they were very sweet. I think some of them will miss meJ Anywho….who wants to go to Cold Stone for ice cream on Friday to celebrate. I know Kristi is pumped and ready…

    Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives. –A.Sachs  

Name: Adonia

Why: My mom wanted Christ in all our names…Andrew Christopher…. Christi Ann…I think it’s pretty coolJ

Occupation: Social worker

Why: I love that fact I can go to work everyday and help someone, there’s that moment when someone has said to me, “you’ve changed my life” that is the best feeling in the world. That is my passion in life to help anyone…

In love: Maybe I think so…

Why: I believe I have been in love…I went out with my ex for over 2yrs and I loved him  but love is such a strange thing…but I don’t believe I’ve ever been completely been head over heals about anyone…there has been no man the has come and swept me off my feet…yetJ

Fears: death, failure, spiders, heights,….can’t think of anything else right now….

Why: Death; I’m afraid to leave everyone that I love behind, Failure; no one wants to be a failure, but you do learn a lot by failing as long as you can succeed the second time around, Spiders; they’re just freaky..ewww, Heights; I don’t like the feeling that being so high off the ground I could fall and die, which goes back to death..I like to keep things at ground levelJ.

Things I treasure: Family, Friends, and Time

Why: Family; because family is the most important people in my life, without them I don’t know where I would be, Friends; I love my friends, I have a hard time showing it but they all mean so much to me..love you all, Time; I treasure time because it’s something you can never have back and at any moment something can change.

Religion: Catholic

Why: You can go back and read my other blog to get the long answer, but the short answer…it’ like my friend Tim said….Catholics have the dinner and other churches have the menu…please no one take offense. I’ve been to other churches and they’re not bad, they’re just not for me…believing in God is the most important thing…….

What I think is sexy: personality, family, children, religion, smile, education, job

Why: Personality; he has to have a good personality, if you can’t make me laugh than by no means are you whatsoever sexy in my book, Family; there is nothing more sexy than seeing a guy hold a child or talking to one and besides the fact I want children and if he doesn’t than he’s not the one for me, Religion; he has to believe in God, there are no ifs ands or buts about this one, seeing a man into his faith…that is sexy. Smile; He has to have a great smile, this is the first thing I notice about any guy I meet, if you don’t have a good smile…go see a dentist(that was mean) no but seriously… he has to have a good smile. Education; I don’t know if this is what I would call sexy but…education is so important…student loans suck…I know I’ll be paying my off for the next 50 years….but having an education…college not high school…there’s just something about it that is not sexy but more appealing, Job; no I’m not a Gold digger, but I’m not going to date some ball-butt scratching man that sits on the couch all day eating potatoes chip and watching football(which reminds me fall is about here football season is about to start, if it hasn’t already…I’m excited) that is not sexy at all.  If I can have a job than so can he, I never ask more of someone than I ask of myself…I think I’m fair.

I think I wrote more than I intended….I will probably write in the future, Things you probably don’t know about me II…..

“There is so much in the world for us all, if we only have the eyes to 

see it and the heart to love it and the hand to gather it to 

ourselves.”

- Lucy Maud Montgomery

I wonder why some of us can’t live in the present. What is this thing that keeps us in the past so much? Why can’t we live in the moment? Was the past that great, was it so wonderful that you just can’t let it go?  I hear people talk about the past at work, friends, and family. What holds them back so much, the past can never be the present, and the present is just that “present” I know it’s hard to let go of the past-even I have a hard time letting go of the past but then I think, “there are so many wonderful things in the present that I will miss out on if I’m living in the past. I hear people all the time, “that reminded me of how it used to be or ohhh it was like old times….I wish it could go back to the way it used to be”  STOP!!!!!!! Live now…live in the present damm….let it go….let it go…the past was a blessing…but the present…what we’re living in right now….that’s what matters. You should be thanking God everyday that you are where God wants you to be and I believe God wants you to be in the present; not hanging on to the past. How can you live if you’re living in the “used to be?” ummm……I know this blog entry might seem to some of you a little harsh and don’t get me wrong I mean to offend no one. But …I don’t know …it’s just how I feel….ummmm…

  This is it! The life that is ours is the one we are living today. There is not other. The more we try to hold onto our illusions of what we think it is or what we think it should be, the less time and energy we have to live it……………

Only as I am aware of the present will I have the opportunity to be fully alive—

Ilyani Ywahoo 

My friend Jose was reading my blog today and he said I write how I talk…whatever and that got me thinking about how Jose and I became friendsJ  Let’s see it all started about a year and half ago…well back last January I went on a Sojourn retreat and I don’t believe I meet Jose there…but I meet him after the Sojourn retreat at the Daisy House. I don’t even remember what I first thought but I’m pretty sure my thoughts were something like…seems like a pretty nice guy…but not my type (no offense Jose)..still love yaJ…anywho I didn’t realize it then but Jose liked me, I can never tell. My brother told me one day; “I heard Jose likes you….that’s why he always sits by you.” We went out to Red Robin (or were it at the Olive Garden) and my brother told me, “I bet Jose sits next to you.” And Jose sat next to me LOL.  My brother just gave me the biggest grin….damm itJ Then a couple of days later Jose asked my friend Raquel if she knew if I liked him or not…I guess after that conversation Jose knew I didn’t like him….that was sad…but at least he knew. But if it wasn’t for Jose liking me, Jose and Lisa never would have dated. I guess everything does work out for the best…then after dating a couple of months Jose and Lisa knew they weren’t right for each other….everything does happen for a reason.  Then I’d say about January we just became really good friends. Jose is like one of those people that have friends from all different walks of life so you can always be yourself around him. When Jose, Bonny and I go out we have the best time…I can be who I am without thinking someone is going to judge me. Of course I’m not saying being around all my friends I can’t be myself, I’m just saying it’s more comfortable. Everyone has those friends that you feel like your home, that’s how it is. But, I guess that’s the story of how Jose and I became friends.

It takes a lot of understanding, time and trust to gain a close friendship with someone. As I approach a time of my life of complete uncertainty, my friends are my most precious asset—Erynn Miller

I was driving home Sunday night and I was thinking; what does it mean to be in love? What is love? How do you know when you are in love? A friend of mine told me, “Love is a choice.” I agree with that to some extent (you wake up every morning choosing to love that person) but isn’t love somewhat of a feeling.  Haven’t we all be in love and fallen out of love before? But what is love then….I don’t think anyone can really define love…I wonder how Webster defines love…lets see  L… Lo… Love…..ohhh.. here it is…Love 1. Strong affection or liking for someone or something. 2. A passionate affection of one person for another.  So that is what Webster says Love is….so if love is affection and affection means the way you  treat someone so maybe love is treating someone you have feeling for better than someone you don’t love.  So then maybe love is a choice of how you’re going to treat someone. You choose everyday to treat that person with love; an affectionate way. If this is the case; how do you know you are in love? Maybe you realize you’re in love when you start doing things above and beyond for the person you like; things you wouldn’t normally do. But where does the feeling part of love come in, how come is it whenever you see the person you’re in love with your heart just skips a beatJ or how is it whenever the one we love breaks our hearts we feel like we can’t breathe because the pain is so unbearable. I would like to know the “feeling” part of love….how do we feel so strong for someone? How do we fall in love?…..ummmm……

Love is not blind - It sees more and not less,
but because it sees more it is willing to see less.
- Will Moss

Another random rambling from Marianna…..

I have the biggest news to tell you…..guess what….what….guess guess guess…..ok I guess I’ll tell you…. I got a new JOB……yeah….I’m way excited. You all know how much I just love my previous job (yeah right).  But anywho, I am going to be a Case Manager for the Breakthrough Club. The Breakthrough Club supports adults with mental illness. The objective of a Case Manager is to teach the clients life skills so they will no longer rely on case management.  I will have a Monday –Friday 8-4 job, that’s so cool and the benefits are better and the pay is of course better.  I hope I like it, I’ll have to cross my fingersJ I start August 1^st and I gave my previous job two weeks notice.   My boss was actually very supportive when I told her the news, which surprised me.  I’m so happy I don’t know what to do….YEAH!!

Lisa and I had our house warming party last night and it totally rocked!! All my friends were over. I was so nervous about having so many people over but I really enjoyed talking with everyone. Also, it was really nice having everyone over here instead of going to someone else’s house….I know I’m lazy….I just like people to come to meJ There is so much left over food I think we have enough chips to last the rest of the year.  My sister came in town….which is always a delight!!!

I worked out yesterday and it was my best day yet. I burned 405 calories and did 3.46 miles in 30 minutes. It was so awesome I was so proud of myself. But there is something else, ohh….yes….so I befriended this fireman…no it’s not like that he’s in his 40’s and he is married….BUT….let me just say he has some very fine co-workers…so thinking he needs to introduce me and hey who knows what will happen…heeheeeJ

As much as you want to, you can’t rely on someone else to make you feel alive; it’s an inside job—AU

When you can’t take a step forward keep both feet on the ground-–AU