AGAPE

This poem took me about three…very very long weeks to complete….but I’m happy with the outcome….enjoy….It’s called…Lullaby….

This is the lullaby about the tear that falls from my eye.

I see the pain breathing in your eyes

I know one day we’ll have to say goodbye

and you weep from the inside

trying to hide behind the disguise

parading around in the masquerade

now it’s time for you to lay in the bed you made

you hide behind the lies that make you cry

now it’s time for you to wipe the tear from your eye

I can’t tell you about this lie

that I keep deep down inside the secret I possess

that I cannot confess

and every time your in my thoughts

the secret unfolds and in my skin

it clings to the sin

as I hold tight to the secret I carry within

it overwhelms me and I start to fight

but another tear takes flight

You know I’ve tried to let you go but every time a piece of me dies

I become entangled in my own pride.

Got caught up in my own disguise.

I start suffocating by my own lies

as another tear falls from my eye

because I know I’ll never be able to say goodbye

I’m starting to realize this is a twisted lullaby

the luminating sin that hits my skin

its because of you I can’t win

the inner demon telling me to start over again

telling me this is the end

I’m trying to tie up all my loose ends

 before another tear hit my skin

and this will start all over again

I hit my knees to the floor every night

trying so hard to give up this fight

I pray God would take you up high-

high in the sky away from me

but this isn’t how its going to be

God put you in my life for a cause

even thou the understanding is unclear

I see my reflection in the mirror

it deceives me and scares me

you look right through and see…

as another tear starts to dwells with in me

 I hit the floor and I don’t know if I can take anymore

as another tear comes out from with in me

I hate goodbyes the sadness it brings to my eyes.

My soul grieves and weeps

the inner side of me the darkness seeps.

But I can’t bring myself to cry so this will be the last tear that falls from my eye.

Lyrics to Happy Birthday :
Happy Birthday…so make a wish [Verse 1:] Please accept my apologies, wonder what would have been Would you’ve been a little angel or an angel of sin? Tom-boy running around, hanging with all the guys.
 Or a little tough boy with beautiful brown eyes?
I payed for the murder before they determined the sex Choosing our life over your life meant your death And you never got a chance to even open your eyes Sometimes I wonder as a fetus if you faught for your life?
Would you have been a little genius in love with math?
 Would you have played in your schoolclothes and made me mad?
 Would you have been a little rapper like your papa da Piper?
Would you have made me quit smokin’ by finding one of my lighters?
Iwonder about your skintone and shape of your nose?
And the way you would have laughed and talked fast or slow?
Think about it every year, so I picked up a pen Happy birthday, love you whoever you woulda been Happy birthday…
 [Chorus:] All I thought was a dream (make a wish) Was as real as it seemed (happy birthday) All I thought was a dream (make a wish) Was as real as it seemed I made a mistake!
[Verse 2:] I’ve got a millon excuses to why you died Bet the people got their own reasons for homicide Who’s to say it woulda worked, and who’s to say it wouldn’t have?
I was young and strugglin’ but old enough to be your dad The fear of being a father has never disappeared Pondering frequently while I’m zippin’ on my beer
My vision of a family was artificial and fake So when it came time to create I made a mistake
Now you’ve got a little brother maybe he’s really you?
 Maybe you really forgave us knowin’ we was confused?
 Maybe everytime that he smiles it’s you proudly knowin’ that your father’s doin’ the right thing now?
 I never tell a woman what to do with her body
But if she don’t love children then we can’t party Think about it every year, so I picked up a pen
 Happy birthday, love you whoever you woulda been Happy birthday..

. [Chorus:] All I thought was a dream (make a wish) Was as real as it seemed (happy birthday) All I thought was a dream (yeah, make a wish) Was as real as it seemed I made a mistake!
 And from the heavens to the womb to the heavens again From the endin’ to the endin’, never got to begin Maybe one day we could meet face to face?
In a place without time and space Happy birthday…
 From the heavens to the womb to the heavens again From the endin’ to the endin’, never got to begin Maybe one day we could meet face to face?
 In a place without time and space Happy birthday…

[Chorus:] All I thought was a dream (make a wish) Was as real as it seemed (happy birthday) All I thought was a dream (make a wish) Was as real as it seemed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5f9-b-Zfnw&feature=related

It all started out innocent and then……I got a Tattoo!!!

I was driving with Tommy a week ago to support him as he got a tattoo. On the way there he said, “Hey you’re going to get one to aren’t you.” I said, “Hell no I hate tattoos and I never want to get one (infamous last words).  So we get there and we’re in line to make an appointment for Tommy. I start looking at the tattoos all over the walls and I see this cross tat and I’m thinking to myself, “that would be cool to have a cross tat with AGAPE through it. I’m thinking about it and after a few minutes I have it in my mind that I want a tattoo. By this time Tommy comes back over and is like, “hey I made an appointment for you and me later today (he must have read my mind).  But the problem was I had to work. So we made an appointment for Friday. All week I was looking at crosses on the internet even had my boys draw a few crosses everyone was into me getting a tattoo, including me. Friday comes and I’m nervous not because I don’t want a tat but because everyone told me it was going to hurt. I get to the tattoo place early because I’m nervous. I’m sitting and sitting about an hour and half later the guy (matt) was like, “Ready darling?”  Ohh shit ohhh shit here it comes…Matt says I’m just going to start with this one line at the bottom.  And….nothing it didn’t hurt. I remember saying, “Is that it…let me go to sleep.” So I sit in the chair with my head in my hand.  Now I’m not saying it was the most pleasant experience but it didn’t hurt like what I was told. The only time it really hurt was on the spin and the pain only last about ten seconds and then it’s over. I would get another one in a heart beat.  I love my tat and yes in 50 years from now I’ll still love it. It represents to me as a symbol of love.

 Agapē is one of several Greek words translated into English as love. The word has been used in different ways by a variety of contemporary and ancient sources, including Biblical authors. Many have thought that this word represents divine, unconditional, self-sacrificing, active, volitional, and thoughtful love. Greek philosophers at the time of Plato and other ancient authors have used forms of the word to denote love of a spouse or family, or affection for a particular activity, in contrast to philia—an affection that could denote either brotherhood or generally non-sexual affection, and eros, an affection of a sexual nature. The term ‘agape’ is rarely used in ancient manuscripts, but was used by the early Christians to refer to the self-sacrificing love of God for humanity, which they were committed to reciprocating and practicing towards God and among one another (also see kenosis).

So yes I have a tattoo of a cross with AGAPE through the bottom. The tattoo is between my shoulder blades. If I wear a t-shirt you can’t see it.

I wrote this poem the same night I wrote the one about Prince Charming.  So the LIE in the poem could be any lie anyone is struggling with. It’s a personal thing.  Enjoy…

I’ve been lying to myself for so many years

I’ve lied to God (please forgive me)

I lied to my family and friends

This lie that has taken my heart and eaten my soul

My every thought about this lie consumes me

I am left with nothing but bone it has shredded away my flesh and drunken my blood

Evil is winning

My mind overlaps with torment and is isolated by the truth

This lie is by no means justifiable but I will give into its justifications

By letting go of who I am, what I stand for, I AM the lie

I am trapped by its deception and charmed by its beauty

It will undertake me to who I thought I was and never will be again

I’ve been lying to myself for so many years please forgive me…….

I wrote this poem when I got mad at the guy I’ve been talking to…..so I was a little in the bitter barnJ. 

I don’t believe in Prince Charming…….

I don’t believe in fairly tales and happy ever afters. 

I don’t believe in gentlemen that open doors and scoot back chairs.

I don’t believe men have moral values and will commitment

I don’t believe in letting in your emotions go and always holding back

I don’t believe in happiness and blissful memories

I don’t believe in wedding days and being dressed in white

I don’t believe in being financially stable and showing respect

I don’t believe in honesty and telling me the truth

I don’t believe in dignity and integrity that’s a bunch of BS

I don’t believe in sincerity and spending forever together

I don’t believe in Prince Charming…………

I’ve been working on this poem for about a month. I would describe this poem as looking at the past as a reflection for the present….I don’t know… for your enjoyment!

This time is different than the last

You see last time I had no faith or very little

Last time it was all about me; what I wanted and doing whatever it took to get want I wanted

Last time I didn’t trust and I was scared

Last time I was arrogant and proud, too proud perhaps

Last time it was all about feelings and not thinking; not using my head

Last time I was ambivalent and insecure

Last time I was juvenile possibly immature

Last time…….

And then I took a step back…….and the pendulum swings….

This time I’m fulfilled with understanding and contentment

This time I have complete faith….yes it’s possible….complete faith

This time I’m joyous with love and blissful with anticipation

This time I admire…inward out.

This time I’m optimistic and overflowing with humbleness and consideration

This time it’s about knowing and being benevolent

This time it’s about doing all the selfless acts of services…on behalf of others

This time…..is different than the last…..